2011-10-07 18:34:41
In the afternoon of October 6th of 2011, I came to know that Jobs is no more. I knew it weeks ago that he would die soon and he is gone now. Yes, he is. I don’t know why. I didn’t feel alright for the whole evening and spend some time browsing the Internet about his death. I have still not come out of it, still that dark feeling is lingering inside my soul. Death. We all have to come across it one day or the other. We only find it hard to digest. But we have to.
Period.
The same evening, my mind went into the reflecting mode and I started thinking, pondering and reckoning what I have done, what I am doing and what I should do. To be frank, I don’t see any direction at all in front of me and everything so hazy. Yesterday, it all dawned to me that my life time is going to limited and I got to carefully spend it, no I cannot control it (it is quiet impossible), but, at least I got to make choices and accept the consequences. The time is limited. My mind is not going to live forever. It is all going to go one day. I am going to be nothing after death. That is all, it is gone when it is gone. So what am I trying to say ?. I think it is time for me to spend it carefully and in a manner that it helps myself and humanity. So where am I coming to ?. Yes, that is why I started writing this post. I came over me, that I was squandering my Sundays by writing all that I wrote here. I just feel that what is here is just (bullshit) ego talk. I have not managed to bring in real substance to this space and I know I will never bring substance in the future if I am going to continue with it. I know it. After, lot of thought. I strongly feel it is time for me to close this space.
Sans Blogging.
To tell the truth, I take a lot of time to write what I wrote here. Perhaps, I will use that time for something like writing things that are of use to others, learning new & old things.
Thank you!.
Yes, Thank you for following this space, I appreciate the effort you have taken to wade through this space. Of course, I also thank the folks at wordpress.com who have hosted this space for me. WordPress.com is a cool service, I enjoyed it and have learned a lot from writing what wrote. That is all from me. Farewell.
Epilogue.
Jobs had to tell this about death (excerpt from his Standford speech) :
My third story is about death. When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “no” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important thing I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctors’ code for “prepare to die.” It means to try and tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next ten years to tell them, in just a few months. It means to make sure that everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope, the doctor started crying, because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and, thankfully, I am fine now.
This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope it’s the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept. No one wants to die, even people who want to go to Heaven don’t want to die to get there, and yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it’s quite true. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
Alas!. I will miss Jobs till I reach my own end. He has influenced me in some aspects of my life. I will miss Jobs. Death. We need to learn to accept it when it comes to others and of course ourselves. It is inevitable.
This space will die soon…all for good.
postscript.
If you have anything to say. Just hit me an email to : rsiddharth.mail@gmail.com
